Of course I love it

Dear PerfektStory readers,

It is school Eurovision week, meaning my times are taken up now with much more than being a science teacher, I am a piano teacher, singing teacher, dance teacher, script writer, tech crew leader, stage designer and goodness knows what else is coming over this Head of Delegation portfolio.

But of course I love it.

I can reveal that I do plan to stay here in Sweden for the next year.

There is so much to sort out – somewhere to live for a start.  TI can reveal that I do plan to stay here in Sweden for the next year.

There is so much to sort out – somewhere to live for a start.  Think I have where I am living now available for about the next 5 weeks and maybe it needs to move up the priority ladder.  But no, I’m going to go home tonight, eat some dinner, sort out the playlist for our Eurovision selection and go to bed, wake up, do it all again, and end up tomorrow night after the tech rehearsal going home again far too late to consider these options.

But of course I love it.

And I’m not going to change it and it is scaring me.  When I luckily found this place to live in the summer, I was spending my entire days doing the hunting.  It was a priority.  I don’t consider myself at all a bad multi-tasker – but my real problem is in the rational ability to priotise, to pick out what to do for myself.  I hate the fact that, due to the representational and equality and fairness values Sweden places rightly so high on their social conscious, that sometimes people here seem awfully slow to decide anything and just shout and point and let discussions go around in circles.  That is exactly what I am doing with this issue.

I perhaps seem to have this naïve, lackadaisical, nonchalant idea that it’s going to work out fine.  Working out fine could be what some people would have as the nightmare situation, nowhere to go and nowhere to turn – because I’m in this bubble of things being ok.

Even when it was difficult before – I just kept on looking and trying to find somewhere and got there, and did well.

I feel I want to use this for a call to poke me and to prod me into action, to guide me and steer me to what I need to do, to shake me and help me to actually work out where I can find that roof to go above my head.  I want to stay here, and do more with what is in Sweden.  And this is more than my sheer excitement for a full Swedbank Arena next year.  I’m not finished with what I have started here in all walks of life.  Which when I come to think of them do seem far too much to revolve around this Melodifestivalen bubble, but I’m not going to complain too much at that!

I’ve had an amazing first year as a teacher here.  Still way on the wrong side of making myself satisfied that I can do this, but it is going like bliss compared to how I felt last year.  I want to take that to new levels next year lf and do something that can really make me feel not just proud of myself there, but also really feel like I’m good enough to be there too.

———————-

And at that point, I put the laptop down and went to sleep, I didn’t forget about the blog, but have waited now far too long to post it and recall my thoughts.

It was a tough week, but with a school Eurovision competition nothing more than I should be able to handle – definitely a far more natural environment for me.

No progress on living anywhere ness and stuff – but let’s cross some fingers and wish me luck.  5 weeks to go!  Let’s also wish our amazing acts going forward to the inter-school Eurovision luck too.  They have lots of potential – I hope I don’t want to win too much for them.

Regardless though, of course I love it.

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