Newsflash. My last blog post was viewed, for the first time, more by people in Sweden than in the UK.
I find this quite shocking that my networks have changed like that, and it was a rather and sudden shift. It hasn’t even come close to that throughout the rest of the last year, usually it has been about 2/3rds UK and the rest mainly Sweden. Is this the point where my life switches allegiance and my home is this new magical land? I guess I’m quite unique in having a numerical value for this, and for my fascination with numbers that highlighted it to my attention.
Now, it is very possible it could be an anomaly. It was published on the weekend after our staff party, and my most recent facebook friend additions have been fellow nice colleagues, and without stereotyping, they are the kind of people I would expect to read blogs, especially when ‘liked’ by a fellow colleague. Plus, the extra interest staff may have about the start of the school year may just be enough to swing the difference. There is a small chance this is some of my pupils who have finally after months of searching have found my blog, but they haven’t mentioned it. I think, and trust and hope that if they did (which I am neutral to but would never encourage) that actually it would be an uplifting and supportive experience. More on that another time maybe.
Another interesting significance different from normal is that much more people clicked through to read my total blog and go onto its home page. Are these people catching up, or people who’ve never seen it before? Are these people looking for other posts (as, after all it was a blog looking back through the year) or people who have been struck a chord by my excellent writing and want to read more (which I really doubt, infact I’d probably think the opposite about that last post)? Of course we will never know, numbers only say so much.
Well so what, what does it mean if Sweden is the place now where, let’s say, I have the most ‘influence,’ what if this trend continues? Actually, it makes me hit a point in the world where I realise a lot more about myself, it makes me realise the fragility of people and their relationships, and there will always be people who I have had wonderful times with where I can pick up from the same place with again, but it doesn’t need constant support. Of course it is mutual, there are people I haven’t spoken to for months, definitely too long I would argue, who I would ring in an instant should I be feeling really down or was in need of a good drink with. And these are people who I may see the odd photo on facebook and so forth, but I don’t know the workings of their life inside and out as I used it, it feels enough now to know that I can – it is a growing up and moving away emotion.
My instinct is to think that if I am being more valued here, and what I do here becomes more important, I should make sure to see this as my primary world now, and the homeland as the place I go back to, rather than the place I come from. I’m not quite sure this is what I want though, not yet anyway, I don’t feel in control of life here enough yet to make it a home. Finding a home for that matter is certainly something of a frustration, generically for Stockholm, but I want to find somewhere by myself, without undue help or needing to sleep in spare rooms or friend’s sofas. I’m living now in a situation where I’m trying to run food down in preparation to move out as soon as possible, where half my things are packed away again, where a good hour each day is spent searching for anywhere to live in this marketless world (my view on this is that I would welcome a partial market, with a certain percentage of housing stock having this ability in the same way affordable housing is done in the UK – would take a while to be instigated, but would maintain dignity in the situation without losing control of the situation and making it basically highly highly corrupt).
I’m en route now, late on a Monday night after an exhausting first day with the kids anyway (I nearly fell asleep after lunch, but I think I ate too much) to see a room in a shared house of 6 people, all international. The opening of doors to fun people and their lives too could be is an attraction, the reasonable flexibility of living and contract is too, as well as the nice location and as you can imagine reasonable price. It is going to be over an hour to school, and going through the city with that, but needs must at this time, and I know I have to make myself sound as attractive a housemate as possible. It looks like a lovely area on the bus at half past ten at night anyway.
Maybe that is why I was so shocked by my blog statistics, even though I love this life I have now, the freedom and looseness it has don’t suggest to me that it is my dominant place yet. How can it be when I am planning mere months in advance of my actions at most? I love this lifestyle, hope it continues, and hope just a little bit it will become permanent – that I have security and fluency – that I can have influence – that I can make a difference – that the blog is not merely a place for ranting but a place for explaining actions.
Statistical significance is quite a hard thing to fit into this – you can’t attribute numbers to such things – but if this is a trend that continues then maybe I need to realise that foundations here in this land have been built, and can now be built upon.