I have a bus journey to fill time on. The iPod is low on battery, the Kindle is safely at home. The powerpoint for Physics next week can be made next week, the planning for that is all done anyway.
So I’m going to blog. Without a subject, without a purpose. Oh dear you think, and you no doubt stop reading now. Oh dear I think, as I realize how embarrassing this could be. Also, I notice now how often I use the word realize, and how I always notice word change the spelling of it to American English and how I never correct it.
I think I’ll merely blog now as a running narrative. About all I notice from this point of my journey home to when I get home to the lovely internet to upload. I’m at Danderyd Sjukhus (try saying that if you don’t understand Swedish). I wasn’t really planning what bus to get back, and it so happens I missed my bus by one minute, so I’m going to go home via the bus to Näckrosen then the T-bana, so possibly something interesting there.
What do I notice? I notice a …..nothing. The faces are blankwith no seeming emotion of an outside world waiting here. I know what I’m like. I can’t help but mumble words to my songs, or find something as interesting as the snow anything but irresistible to play with under my feet.
As I board the bus, my favorite spot is taken. The one next to driver which means you get a great view of all around and of course anything exciting on his dials. So, with a bus at 21:11 fairly quiet, I take prime viewing spot at the far back centre.
I don’t know what I’m looking out for. In desperation, I spot the cars overtaking us and all I think is how I really have no desire to be in one, driving and owning myself. The costs, the hassles, the breakdowns, the risks, they aren’t worth any freedom it can give, and I just feel so lucky to live here.
I notice going past offices with lights all ago but movement all gone. There must be a better way. We must have a drive towards requirements for business in particular to be world leaders in best renewable practice. As I really learnt teaching politics at school, all politics in modern democracy is about middle-term decisions in the human world, where we focus on what we plan to do, to marry, to have children, to find a good school and so forth – and in the Earth’s lifespan that time is miniscule. Politics is hopeless because it works for such a short time that there just isn’t any true motivation to make fully perfect and fully unbiased decisions. To put even better, democracy assumes everybody is able to make decisions better for life. It doesn’t, it makes it better for your life and your priorities, it is too fickle. It is a sad realization of the world and not a happy one for us to realize. Every dominant species before us with that philosophy has faded out.
I got on the T-Bana. Only waited for minutes, great going, arguably I am going to be home only 7 or 8 minutes later than normal. This is good to know.
I notice how surprisingly busy it was, with me just able to get a seat (I politely offered to another, but wasn’t taken).
I enjoy the Tunnelbana now so much more that I use it so much less frequently. The adverts now don’t really test my Swedish though, which is a bit of a shame. The excitement and buzz of a new place and the new cultures feel like they fade a little now. But it’s not holiday, it’s real life.
I want to make sure I’m crossing a border now. Maybe this isn’t me here to stay forever, but it is to stay for now. I’m giving this place a good proper go again, a new invigoration.
One stop to go. A chance to reflect. The eyes around me look tired. They look sad and almost upset. Sterile soldiers back from a battlefield of labour. Eyes emotionless as we glide into our final stop. My smiles and glances must be odd.
And I arrive home. The modem goes on, and I’m connected to the world once more. I will watch news videos, eat, and sleep ready for the new day. It is a routine I wouldn’t change for the world, but one that sadly (definitely not the right word) is going to change for meals being ready that aren’t the same pasta dish each night, a warm, ready, welcoming home, complete with cuddles and kisses and love. And I promise blog to be so grateful each and every night for it, even when I really want some alone time to surf the unbridled web and drift out of one day into another.
See you later,